Day Sixteen of The 365 Day Journey To Truth
The end of Day 16 and I have to admit I did struggle with a few of the lessons / ideas over this time.
As you will see from the list of ideas a new one has been introduced; that being ‘God’ as our creator. You see I can accept the principle of a universal power, expanded self, higher self, ultimate consciousness etc, however I really struggle with the whole God created me and we are all sons (daughters) of God thing.
Now before everybody jumps in and says that those resistances are based on past experiences, thoughts and so forth, let me just say, yes you are right it is. So for the sake of this exercise I shall put it all aside and try a new way of thinking or at least drop the old way.
These have been the last 4 daily lessons and ideas I have been dealing with:
- “A meaningless world engenders fear.”
- “God did not create a meaningless world.”
- “My thoughts are images I have made.”
- “I have no neutral thoughts.”
Actually when you think about it I have no trouble with the concept of the Ego, so then what is my issue with God? Lets see …
Conversations with Ego …
Ego – A meaningless world engenders fear of what?
Me – Well in my current experience seeing the world as meaningless is a little scary.
Ego – Well I can easily fix that. Let me add some meaning for you. Let’s face it, that’s what I have been doing all your life and look how that has worked for you!
Me – That’s the issue here. It was not working for me. I had some worldly successes but they never lasted, found and lost love, searched for truth and lies and during all that time have never found continuing peace and joy. So yes while you have given meaning to my life I’m now becoming clear that I am looking for something else.
Ego – Oh great, so that’s the thanks I get for looking after you for so long! So now you find something or someone else to give you meaning and I get dropped, so what’s in it for me, what do I get out of it?
Me – See that’s the point, I’m discovering there is nothing to get out of this world, or anyone else. I am the creation of God and was given everything including peace and joy with nothing else to get. God did not create a meaningless world, however I don’t see that because I have separated from him by thinking wrong, allowing my Ego to think for me and show me the images of a world where projection of fear is common place and extension of love rare.
Ego – So what are you saying then I am getting nothing?
What I have found over the days I practiced these ideas is that yes I do see a meaningless world, however it does not have to be that way. If only I was to change my mind about it then things could be different.
I also discovered that in letting go and changing my mind about all the perceptions I had about God, especially having been created by him, and actually accepting I was a Son of God, as is everyone, I found a new peace.
I also noticed that this is what had been missing from all the programs I had done to date, and why I felt while there were elements of Truth in them they were never complete.
Conversations with Spirit …
Me – So why does the thought of a meaningless world engender fear?
Spirit – That thought engenders fear and anxiety in all those who think they are separated from God. This is because that meaningless is a space that has to be filled either by the Ego or God, so the Ego rushes in to fill the void with its ideas, fearful that it may otherwise be used to demonstrate its own impotence and unreality.
Me - So what do I do with this meaninglessness?
Spirit – As with these lessons it is important that you recognise the meaningless and accept it without fear.
Me – So then what?
Spirit – For now that is all you have to do. God did not create a meaningless world so your task at hand is to accept the meaninglessness without fear.
Me – So what do I think then?
Spirit – It’s not about controlling or changing your thoughts. It is about knowing there are no neutral thoughts and training your mind to recognise that fearful thoughts make the images you currently see. By making these thoughts meaningless you remove their power and leave the space for the thoughts of God.
Me – So I am changing my mind in the way I think?
Spirit – Yes, and it will change what you see, more on that later.
Day Twelve of The 365 Day Journey To TruthThe end of Day 12 and I have to say that the only reason I am persisting with this is the amazing shifts I am seeing in my life.Over the years I have seen so much written and talked about on the illusionary world that apparently we all live in, and in doing so miss out on the True experience we were meant to have. I have also had many experiences that suggest that this is true, yet I could never really see it.However that appears to be changing in the most miraculous and unexpected ways. I’m not saying there is no pain involved as that seems at the moment to be the prelude to healing, and the bigger the healing the bigger the pain or as I am starting to see it ‘perceived pain.’These have been the last 4 daily lessons and ideas I have been dealing with:
- “I see nothing as it is now.”
- “My thoughts do not mean anything.”
- “My meaningless thoughts are showing me a meaningless world.”
- “I am upset because I see a meaningless world.”
The interesting thing I have experienced in practicing these latest lesson / ideas is that while doing them each day a situation or something will arise to enhance the effects of the learning’s.
Conversations with Ego …
Ego – Ok we are still doing this huh?
Me – Yup!
Ego – Well explain to me what the heck “I see nothing as it is now” means?
Me – Well my guess is that as I have applied meanings to all I see, when I look at things I only see the meaning (based on the past) I have placed upon it and not the underlying authentic thing as it is now.
Ego – So what are you saying, there is another way of seeing things which you have been missing for the last 50 years? Talk about meaning! That really means you have been wrong all those wasted years, and I can see why you would be upset.
Me – Now that could be so, however as I worked through these lessons and ideas I have found a growing peace, and strangely I am encouraged that the world I am currently seeing appears not to be the True or Authentic one.
Ego – Ok for the last few days you have been looking at all your thoughts knowing they are meaningless, and as you know thoughts create what you see, so you are now seeing a meaningless world, where does that leave you then?
Me – Now that is a good question, it sort of leaves me a little confused, however somewhat relieved without really knowing why. Looking at a meaningless world for me at the moment is like looking at a blank page or canvass where it is scary and exciting all at the same time. Scared because of all the uncertainty yet excited at the possibilities.
Ego – Oh please we both know what it is all about, you just want to deny a world that you don’t see as working for you.
Me – Actually you may have a point there and my question would be is that such a bad thing?
Ego – uuuuuuummmmm
What I found interesting in the last few days is my ability to change my mind about long held beliefs and assumptions, and in doing so let a healing I never thought possible take place in various areas of my life.
Additionally these healings are showing me how a simple change in thinking can and does make a massive difference in the way I am experiencing and seeing the world and others in it.
Conversations with Spirit …
Me – As I have worked through these ideas I have come to the conclusion that while I can see it as a meaningless world its not really is it?
Spirit – Actually yes, the world you are currently seeing is meaningless. The simple fact is that it is really an illusion, which you project out of fear. However now, is not the time, your task is to just see it as meaningless.
Me – Ok, I can see it as meaningless, so what’s the real point?
Spirit – For now that is the real point. By changing your mind only, you are now seeing a meaningless world, and in doing that you are experiencing healing and miraculous changes in perception. Has this alone not changed the world you are seeing?
Me – Well yes I guess it has. Over these last few days I actually asked to be shown the right way of thinking about smoking and was told the following “You have been thinking smoking is an addiction and in giving up you will suffer the inevitable withdrawal symptoms and this is what you believe. The Truth is that addictions don’t exist, they are a belief and so are withdrawal symptoms. If you change your mind and believe in the Truth you will experience the effects of that”.
Me - So I did, after 35 years of on off smoking, and many unsuccessful attempts of giving up completely and suffering dramatic withdrawal symptoms, I changed my mind about it, stopped smoking with no symptoms or side effects.
Spirit – It could be said that by undoing the meanings and perceptions you have placed on this world you can start to see the real Truth, but again that is for another day.
Day Eight of The 365 Day Journey To Truth
I am now at the end of the eighth day and I really am living out of my comfort zone both physically and emotionally. The last four lessons / ideas have really shaken my world, and in some cases it appears to be falling apart.My ego would have me believe that to keep going will mean death and destruction, however I have faced that before and I’m still here playing the game, so that is not really a convincing argument to stop.
These have been the last 4 daily lessons and ideas I have been dealing with:
- “I am never upset for the reason I think."
- “I am upset because I see something that is not there."
- “I see only the past."
- “My mind is preoccupied with past thoughts."
If you have been in the self-help and spiritual movements as long as I have then some of these concepts won’t be new to you. However ACIM is a mind training and its purpose is to take these concepts and ideas and offer them as an alternative to what we are currently thinking.
ACIM Is A Mind Training
Now you can imagine how my ego feels about all this and you would be right. You see I have come to understand that if the ego cannot answer a question satisfactorily it just takes the question out of mind. However by keeping these ideas top of mind during the day the ego has to deal with them or at least admit defeat, which is not a pleasant experience.
Conversations with Ego …
Ego – “I am never upset for the reason I think”! Really, lets have a look at why you may have been upset and not feeling well. Your relationship is finished, your productive life is fast coming to an end and lets face it what do you really have left. They are clearly the reasons you are upset and you know it!
Me – Actually I don’t think so. Yes those things may be happening to a degree, however even when it was the opposite of all those things I still managed to be upset at times. So I don’t really think being upset is based on external conditions, and after sitting with that statement for a day I’m pretty sure I have never been upset for the reasons I thought!
Ego – Oh good grief you are so gullible. Just look at your current life and see it for what it is, if you don’t start fixing it fast it will all fall apart and then where are we going to be huh?
Me – Well actually I really don’t know. You make a valid point that if I sat and judged my life as the world would and you do right now, I might get very upset. However I starting to think that I may not be seeing the entire picture and in fact may be seeing a lot of stuff that isn’t really there.
Ego – Great now we are seeing things! So where are these things you are seeing, but not really there, coming from?
Me – My guess, the past. I am actually seeing the past in all that I am experiencing today. As a matter of fact when I observe my thoughts I can see the majority are about past stuff, and those that are not are future based, very few, if any are about this moment now!
Me – Ok now I have a question, if you are looking out for me and only want my best then why are you so against me pursuing these ideas.
Ego – Because it’s not safe and a waste of our precious time as you will find out if you continue!!
It’s interesting when I start challenging the way I am used to thinking about things, because not only does my ego have a hissy fit so does my body. I wake feeling sick and fatigued, and during the day things do not really improve.
Then towards the end of these four days I discovered something that blew me away. If I started my morning reading the ACIM text, doing a short meditation or similar, sharing thoughts with others etc, I felt much better during the day than I did not.
It was amazing that how I started my day effected the whole day!
Conversations with Spirit …
Me – Ok my external situations seem to be changing on a daily basis and I am doing nothing physically to change them, what is all that about?
Spirit – Think of it this way. If you change your way of thinking about things, what you actually see changes, that is the nature of the illusion. You are now starting to become aware that all you have been thinking and seeing is either based on the past or future. Now you are changing that, you start to see the Now and how everything looks from there.
Me – But hang on, I’m talking about people changing, relationships changing, situations changing and I am doing nothing to change them!
Spirit – Well yes you are, in fact you are doing the only Real thing you can do to change them, thinking differently, you are extending love rather than projecting fear, but that lesson is for another day.
Me – Oh Ok, again appreciate the chat talk again soon.
Day Four of The 365 Day Journey To Truth
Ok I’m now at the end of day 4, which means Lesson 4 of the ACIM workbook and what a ride.Every morning my ego wakes up overjoyed at the prospect of dispelling yet another myth it has carefully constructed to complete the illusion of my current life, everything and everyone in it!
These have been the last 3 daily lessons and ideas I have been dealing with:
- “I have given everything I see, all the meaning it has for me.”
- “I do not understand anything I see in this place."
- “These thoughts do not mean anything. They are like the things I see in this place."
My Overjoyed Ego
Now if you are anything like me your ego is immediately judging the crap out of what they are saying and going something like this:
Conversations with Ego …
Ego – So you have given everything all the meaning it has hey, well what about a tree what meanings have you given a tree.
Me – Well lets see, a tree can be very pleasurable by providing shelter for me on a hot day, or it could be a pain in the butt by dropping leaves in my pool all the time, so yes I guess I have given a tree many meanings.
Ego – Ok bad example, however let me ask you this question, what if you go and remove all those meanings from everything you see, what would you be left with?
Me – That is a very good question, and maybe that is what it means by “I do not understand anything I see in this place”, as a matter of fact after using that idea for a day, I have to say now I’m really not sure what I see!!
Ego – Oh great, now you are questioning what you see. Next you will be questioning what is real and what is not. Please can we give this game away for now and concentrate on the more important things like making money and finalizing our plan for the business.
Me – Well that is what we have been doing for the past 30 years, and while I have obtained varying degrees of success, I have still never had lasting peace and joy, so I really think I’m going to give this a little more time.
Ego – Yep that’s your problem at the moment you aren’t thinking right. Ok you want to play then, who am I to stop you, so go waste your time.
Me – Well thanks for that as I’m not sure what thoughts have got to do with anything at the moment. However after giving thoughts no meaning for a day I have really come to the conclusion that maybe I have been thinking wrong for a very long time now.
Ego – Oh Ho!
Conversations with Spirit …
Me – Ok I am a little confused, are you really saying that I have given meaning to everything I see?
Spirit - Yes
Me – So I am assigning meanings to all these things, people, relationships etc and then deciding if they are good or bad, happy or sad etc, and from that I perceive out in the world what I have decided!
Spirit – Yes
Me – So when I was practicing the idea of not understanding anything I see, and started to remove meanings from all things I became aware that maybe there is more to all this. Maybe I have had it wrong some how.
Spirit – What you are starting to realize is that all you are seeing you have created, ALL OF IT, and you have created it from a wrong way of thinking. However don’t be concerned with that at the moment because right now your task is only to start to see the illusion you have been taking for reality.
Me – I am feeling that after I remove all meanings from the things I see and my thoughts I will be left with nothing and that is scary!
Spirit – You will be left with Truth and remember – Nothing real can be threatened, Nothing unreal exists, Herein lies the peace of God.
Me – Ok now my head really hurts, thanks for chatting and I’m sure we will speak again.
Day One of The 365 Day Journey To TruthNow this is interesting! I am being asked to go throughout the day looking at things and say that they don’t mean anything.
Oh yea my Ego loves this one! Its first reaction is ok lets play this little game and see where it gets you. How the heck can you go through an hour let alone a day saying that everything has no meaning, what do you really think would be left? But go on try, nothing like a bit of amusement for the day, there is always tomorrow when you come back to reality!
Ok so I did! In the morning I spent some time looking around saying “This (Insert What You See) Does Not Mean Anything.” Now I know the instructions read that you are only to do this a couple of times a day for a minute or so, however let’s face it, I’m a male and we don’t really read or follow instructions well!
Nothing I See In This Place Means Anything
So I did it a few more times during the day, not as a ritual, but really trying to embed the experience, and embed it I did, much to the disgust and somewhat amusement of my Ego.
I noticed during the day I started to ask the question, if I take the meaning out of everything I see then what am I looking at? My first reacting was, well I’m looking at nothing now, however as time went on I started wondering that if by taking the meaning out of things I see, was I actually just seeing them for what they are in this moment?
Were these meanings that have been applied to everything the actual illusionary world I have heard so much about?
I know that reframing meanings around things and situations is the main stay of some personal growth programs, however this is the first time I have removed any meaning from things I see.
From my observation I noticed things brighten and come alive a little more as in the sea when I walked on the beach, I noticed the sparkle of the sun on the waves like looking at a million little diamonds.
At which point my Ego would step in and say - “Oh yea what a wanker, becoming a poet are we? Next thing we will be sitting on a mountain top contemplating life the universe and everything , broke but let’s face it, that means nothing!”
Having decided to take the higher path so to speak, I didn’t engage with my Ego at this time and just let the experience present itself. I also noticed that in removing meanings from things, you start with a blank canvas upon which anything can be painted.
However that is not the point of today its all about just removing meanings.
I will leave you with a passage I read at the end of the day:
“This world has no pleasure or pain, the body has no pleasure or pain, it is a decision of how we see the world and the body that gives pleasure or pain.”
Or as my ego would love to put it “ What the heck does that mean anyway?”
I think it got the point of today
Have you ever noticed as you move through life no matter where you are or what you are doing, things, situations, ideas and/or people keep popping back into your life?
Some can be judged as helpful, others not helpful and some are just like a nagging dog that’s wants to go for a walk and in very subtle ways lets you know about it. Like giving you the “I’m so sad and lonely eyes,” or giving the little pathetic yelps or just getting up moving then dropping down as if to say “if you really loved me we would go for a walk”!
Well over the last few years I have noticed something that keeps returning in various and unexpected ways and up to now have managed to avoid doing anything about it. However a couple of days ago that all changed, I made a decision, yep scary I know, but it had to be done. I have finally committed to completing all 365 lessons of A Course In Miracles.
Gods Wake Up Call
Now for me this is sort of a momentous occasion as those who know me well will attest, commitment to completion is not one of my strongest suits, or pants or shirts, ok I’m sure you get the picture.
However I’m sort of at an impasse! You see since starting this particular little adventure of following my Truth and guidance, I have done, appreciated and accepted many different challenges along the way, and now I am being asked to have faith and just leap into ACIM without fear or expectations!
My first reaction to this decision was WTF, followed closely with my second reaction of WTFF! Then after I gave myself some time and reflected on just what I had decided to do I realized that ACIM had been popping up in my life for along time now.
A previous partner who had studied it for many years both in Australia and overseas first introduced me to it. I remember my thoughts at the time were, “if she is a shining example of what ACIM can do in you life, then I’m not going anywhere near it, as I had met more people in the various “Self Improvement Hospitals” I have been a guest of, that had their lives more together.”
However as with all things we are destined to do they keep returning until we have the courage to face them head on.
You see this previous partner has now left this physical world, and the one thing she left me was all her ACIM materials. At the time I felt drawn to accept them, and over the years have never had the heart to move them on as I have done with so much of my other possessions and things.
So after a particular intense past two weeks I picked up a book “The Obstacles to Peace”, and in it I started to understand what the course was really about and how it was just what I needed now as I am finally ready to receive it.
So folks I will be dedicating this blog to documenting my experiences and insights as I travel through the 365 lessons over 365 days, which I’m going to title “The 365 Day Journey To Truth”.
The interesting thing will be if I can stay committed enough to finish this journey and where it will end.
I will leave you with this one thought, “What is your nagging dog?”
Here’s to new experiences!!!