It really is a question that should be put to every kid, in every school. A question that if they ponder, will lead them to question what path do I actually want to take, or even, do I have a choice?
Well if you are like me, when I asked the question, you came up with the obvious answer. I have a choice and I am in control. I take total responsibility for my life and the choices I make. Then I went on to say, I am a grown up, I am not playing the victim to life, I know that I create, the good, the bad and the ugly, and I’m working on improving it.
I have done the work, the workshops, the programs. I have so much invested in this way of thinking that I was in charge, and I am not going to give it up easily!
Could I accept the possibility, yes just the possibility, that I might not be in control, that I might not actually be driving this bus called my life, and if I answered yes then that begs the question of WHO IS Driving this frigging Bus?
The EASY answer is, god, soul, a higher power, you know the sayings, get out of your head into you heart, love is the greater power, go for god and all that. But for me that was too easy, and I needed to go further, be it right or wrong, even if there is such a thing, I decided to try and explain the something that has happened in my life that as yet seems to be unexplainable!
You see over the years that I have been experimenting with my life and having many direct and different experiences, and what I have found is that the moment I let go of control of a situation it resolves itself.
One of the best examples of this in my life was when I had severe depression. For 5 years, virtually every morning I would wake up trying to decide if it was worth going through another day. Some days I would say yes, and on others I would decide no, which led to less than desirable results of stays in various hospitals and for lack of a better term NUT houses.
Then one day I woke up and realised I had a choice. I could go on resisting this evil monster and try yet another type of medication, therapy, self help tape etc, and have some results, then only to have this monster return, or I could just accept that every morning I was going to wake up, feel like shit then appreciate the little things I could still do. So I chose the latter!
It was my first real experience in letting go.
My feeling at the time was that I had just condemned myself to a life of misery and sickness. I kept asking, had I just given up except in a different way? For the next 3 months I would wake feel like shit, and then just do what ever I could, appreciate it and deal with life as it was presented. Then one morning I woke up and didn’t feel as bad, and over the next week the black cloud that had followed me for 5 years gradually broke up. I was amazed and relieved.
I had done nothing but let go of driving and trying to make things better. I had just accepted and appreciated life as it was presented, and lived it the best I could for the condition I was in.
Looking back now, it was at that time I decided that I didn’t drive the bus. Now that is not to say that in the time to come I didn’t cry shotgun and jump in the drivers seat. It is to say however, it has been my experience that when I do, life on the bus ride seems to strike a lot of unmade and bumpy roads. So the obvious question is:
Who, or what is driving when I don’t?
Well at this point in time I can’t answer that. The only answer I can give is, I don’t, and as I keep letting go, I seem to be finding new roads and highways I didn’t even know existed, having experiences I could not even start to imagine and finding a true joy in life.
Now I’m not saying this is the life for everybody, I’m only relating what I have experienced to now and expressing that in the insights I have gained. However what I do know, and can tell you, is that it is only through a direct experience of living it, do you ever know what it is like.
If you want to give it a go, this is what works for me:
- First, accept that you don’t drive the bus and that the life you are living at the moment is the exact life you are meant to be living, then breathe!!!
- Second, live life as it is presented to you. Accept and then appreciate all situations, let go of all thoughts and feelings about them, then from that place take the next obvious step presented, and I assure you it is presented, you just have to be aware of it.
- Third, know that whatever happens the universe is supporting you on your journey, and your choice is only how you would like to experience it.