who the heck is in charge of my life?
It really is a question that should be put to every kid, in every school. A question that if they ponder, will lead them to question what path do I actually want to take
, or even, do I have a choice?
Well if you are like me, when I asked the question, you came up with the obvious answer. I have a choice and I am in control. I take total responsibility for my life and the choices I make. Then I went on to say, I am a grown up, I am not playing the victim to life, I know that I create, the good, the bad and the ugly, and I’m working on improving it.
I have done the work, the workshops, the programs. I have so much invested in this way of thinking that I was in charge, and I am not going to give it up easily!
Come on you have had to wonder, it must have crossed you mind at some stage,
Could I accept the possibility, yes just the possibility, that I might not be in control, that I might not actually be driving this bus called my life, and if I answered yes then that begs the question of WHO IS Driving this frigging Bus?
The EASY answer is, god, soul, a higher power, you know the sayings, get out of your head into you heart, love is the greater power, go for god and all that. But for me that was too easy, and I needed to go further, be it right or wrong, even if there is such a thing, I decided to try and explain the something that has happened in my life that as yet seems to be unexplainable!
You see over the years that I have been experimenting with my life and having many direct and different experiences, and what I have found is that the moment I let go of control of a situation it resolves itself
One of the best examples of this in my life was when I had severe depression. For 5 years, virtually every morning I would wake up trying to decide if it was worth going through another day. Some days I would say yes, and on others I would decide no, which led to less than desirable results of stays in various hospitals and for lack of a better term NUT houses.
Then one day I woke up and realised I had a choice. I could go on resisting this evil monster and try yet another type of medication, therapy, self help tape etc, and have some results, then only to have this monster return, or I could just accept that every morning I was going to wake up, feel like shit then appreciate the little things I could still do. So I chose the latter!It was my first real experience in letting go.
My feeling at the time was that I had just condemned myself to a life of misery and sickness. I kept asking, had I just given up except in a different way? For the next 3 months I would wake feel like shit, and then just do what ever I could, appreciate it and deal with life as it was presented. Then one morning I woke up and didn’t feel as bad, and over the next week the black cloud that had followed me for 5 years gradually broke up. I was amazed and relieved. I had done nothing but let go of driving and trying to make things better. I had just accepted and appreciated life as it was presented, and lived it the best I could for the condition I was in.
Looking back now, it was at that time I decided that I didn’t drive the bus. Now that is not to say that in the time to come I didn’t cry shotgun and jump in the drivers seat. It is to say however, it has been my experience that when I do, life on the bus ride seems to strike a lot of unmade and bumpy roads.
So the obvious question is:Who, or what is driving when I don’t?
Well at this point in time I can’t answer that. The only answer I can give is, I don’t,
and as I keep letting go, I seem to be finding new roads and highways I didn’t even know existed, having experiences I could not even start to imagine and finding a true joy in life.
Now I’m not saying this is the life for everybody, I’m only relating what I have experienced to now and expressing that in the insights I have gained. However what I do know, and can tell you, is that it is only through a direct experience of living it, do you ever know what it is like.If you want to give it a go, this is what works for me:
- First, accept that you don’t drive the bus and that the life you are living at the moment is the exact life you are meant to be living, then breathe!!!
- Second, live life as it is presented to you. Accept and then appreciate all situations, let go of all thoughts and feelings about them, then from that place take the next obvious step presented, and I assure you it is presented, you just have to be aware of it.
- Third, know that whatever happens the universe is supporting you on your journey, and your choice is only how you would like to experience it.
With that said I will leave you with a song that’s been playing in my head while writing this and that is, “Hail to the bus driver, bus driver, bus driver, Hail to the bus driver, bus driver ……………………………………………..”
However, yes you knew their was going to be a however, as with every journey of self discovery, in my experience you have to keep asking questions, until there are no more to be asked. So the next question was:
I was about 15 years old when an evangelical pastor said to me “son do you know that god has a divine path for you”. My reaction was cool I’m glad someone knows where the heck I’m going because I have no clue. However when I asked for the map of this path he gave me a bible and said your destiny lies here!
Well this little interaction set me on a quest for the next 35 years to find this elusive path that I kept hearing about. My quest has led me to masters in personal growth and self help, workshops, seminars and programs, the major religions and some not so major, countries and cultures across the world, spiritual organizations and some not so spiritual. It has taken me through marriage, kids, divorce and other relationships (its complicated), happiness, depression and attempted suicide (obviously failed).
Yes it has been, and remains quite an adventure. The only thing that has remained constant in this whole quest is my intense desire is to find and live this True Path I was obviously put on this earth to live
. You know the one, the path to joy, live the life you love, happiness and beyond etc. There are so many ways of expressing it, and if you search as I have, the same amount of people and organisations proclaiming to have the secret map.So it’s fair to ask after spending an incalculable amount of money and time on this quest, did I find the treasure map that leads to nirvana and never ending joy?
Well I will get to that answer soon, in the mean time I would like to express some of the insights I experienced along the way.
The only rule here is that they all start with: In my experience -
o Is there really a purpose to life? o Who am I? o Who is the I? o What is reality and what is illusion? o What is the truth?
- The truth you know and defend today will inevitability change tomorrow,
- Always question the real motives of people and organization's of all types, who have so much invested in their version of the truth that other possibilities are impossible,
- Remain open to the impossible, as it just may be possible tomorrow,
- Change is inevitable – acceptance and appreciation are optional,
- Knowledge combined with direct experience equals wisdom,
- The Being driving the bus of life may not be me,
- Always ask the questions you really don’t want to know the answers, to such as:
- The ego lives in a world of duality, the heart and soul live in oneness,
- And so much more, so for now I will just leave it as etc.
Ok so much for insights, here is what I have found so far about being on my path and living my truth, (insert drum role here), I was, I am, I have been. Yep during all that time, spending all that money and doing all that research I found I was on my path, was living my truth, was doing what I loved.
There was only one issue, and that was I had not become aware of it
That is the difference now, I am aware of it and in doing so am having a very different direct experience of my life.
As I have expressed previously “life and change happens”
no matter what, and my path is to just turn up and enjoy it. That is why I could never find the damn map,
I didn’t need it, as it is not my job to find my way, it is given to me one step at a time and my only task is to take the step.
This is what I mean by living and traveling intuitively
. We don’t have, or need a map, (except the van GPS, that helps sometimes). We accept and appreciate
life as it comes and take the obvious action when the universal signs indicate, the only trick is to be quiet enough to see and hear them.
Now if you have bothered to read this far, you may not feel that this is for you and my only suggestion is try it for yourself. Give it a go, what have you got to lose.
You see when we come across an idea that challenges us, or we do not agree with, we tend to dismiss it out of hand because we have so much invested in what we believe already. However I have found that the only way I know what works for me is to try it on and have a direct experience of it.
I will leave you with one question “Do you feel it is possible, that everybody is actually on their path, living the life that they were meant to have, with the only choice being in how they choose to experience it?”
GavinPS: If you feel inclined, drop us a comment below.
The one thing about living a lifestyle intuitively on the road is that it brings home the fact that “Change Is Inevitable”. Now it doesn’t matter if I want it or not or if I believe in it or not, the fact is “Change Happens”.
If you disagree try a little experiment, do nothing for a week. Lock yourself in a space and just do absolutely nothing for a week and observe what happens! My feeling is change will happen, the world will go on and change, even if you feel you are the centre of the universe. However forget about the world, even when you do nothing you change, you will get hungry, if you don’t move you will get sore and if you do nothing but sit quietly with yourself for a week, then my guess is your mental state will change, however I don’t recommend doing this without consulting an expert in the field and top up your medical insurance for mental health cover.
OK, if you still don’t feel “Change Happens”, then for the sake of this blog just take my word for it and dare I say for the moment just accept it. Which brings me to the question – If change is going to happen no matter what we do, then, what do we do? Well in my experience you have two choices:
- You can either accept and appreciate it, or
- NOT accept and NOT appreciate it.
That’s it, yes you have free choice and these are your choices, and again in my experience both choices will give you a very different “direct experience”
Which brings me back to our current lifestyle, where this constant change is amplified. When travelling we stay at a place usually less than 4 days and house sitting less than 4 weeks. We are always in new places, with new people and animals, new experiences and generally with no plan of what is going to happen next. We very rarely operate on automatic as our environments change so rapidly there is no chance to get used to it.Typical examples are one minute we may have cats sleeping on the bed and then at the next house sit dogs snoring. We move from sleeping in Paris “Our Camper Van” with a king single bed to a house with Queen sized bed and inside toilets and showers.Yep that’s our life on the road
, and we make the choice constantly to accept and appreciate the change. That is what I mean about it’s our choice. We can choose NOT to accept it, try and resist it, and in doing so have a direct experience of the suffering, pain and frustration that generates, or as we have done, accept and appreciate it and have a direct experience of the adventures, synchronicity and joy that generates.It really is that simple!
However that’s not to say it easy, because in my experience its not, but, also in my experience it is a worthwhile pursuit because when you boil it all down it’s the only game in town and you all ready know the formula.
- Change Happens
- Accept it
- Appreciate the difference
- And last but not least, let go of the stories we make around it.
So here is my challenge to you, rather than locking yourself away and doing nothing for a week, try consciously accepting and appreciating change for a week and see for yourself the difference (if any) it makes in your life.By the way if you feel moved to, feel free to leave a comment about your direct experience of change.